tags: 📥️/🔖️/🟥️ publish: true aliases: - Hell Yeah or No cover: '' general_subject: specific_subject: source: manual isbn: doi: url: author: "[[@Derek Sivers]]" guest: publish_date: reviewed_date: ---  ## Highlights - They weren't talking about me. They were talking about a cardboard cutout that looked like me. A little online avatar that has the same name as me, but is not me. Then I realized it was the same with compliments. I couldn't take praise personally, either. Some people have liked things I've written or made, and have said nice things about me. But those aren't the real me, either! So the conclusion is this: Public comments are just feedback on something you made. They're worth reading to see how this thing has been perceived. You can even take it as feedback on the public image you've created. All people know is what you've chosen to show them. So if your public persona is coming across wrong, try tweaking it. Never forget that the public you is not you (Page 20) - notes:: This is also like stoicism where you don’t succumb to the highs or the lows but rather strive for a baseline level of contentment - EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT They disappeared. I used to get mad at people. They lied. They betrayed me. Do you hear the pattern? "They this. They that." When someone upsets you, it's human nature to feel it's their fault. But one day I tried thinking of everything as my fault. I created the environment that made them feel they had to lie. I mistook their neutral behavior as betrayal. I made it more appealing for them to disappear than to communicate. It felt so good to think it was all my fault! This is way better than forgiving. When you forgive, you're still assuming that they're wrong and you're the victim. But to decide it's your fault feels amazing! Now you weren't wronged. People were just playing their part in the situation you helped create. What power! Now you're the person who made things happen, made a mistake, and can learn from it. Now you're in control and there's nothing to complain about. This philosophy feels so good that I've playfully decided to apply this rule to the rest of my life. As soon as I catch myself blaming anyone for anything, I decide it's my fault. • The guy who ran away with my investment? My fault. I should have verified his claims. • The love of my life who suddenly dumped me? My fault. I let our relationship plateau. • Don't like my government? My fault. I could get involved and change it. Doesn't that feel more powerful? Try it. Maybe instead of “fault” you prefer the word "responsibility,” but the idea is the same. Think of every bad thing that happened to you, and imagine that you happened to it. (Page 71)